Sunday, November 19, 2006

OK Celina, this one is for you.

Recently, I had the pleasure to have a good group project, in which we researched a "cutting edge medical practice that has contreversy....blah...blah...blah" and, well, my group decided on Medical Microchips. Suffice it to say that it was interesting, and I learned a let's get started!

First of all, some background. There is a company out there that makes implantable microchips, called RFID (Radio Frequency ID), which has a number associated with it, and can be read with a proper reader at a range of about 2", which could then (in theory) access a data bank (that the person supplies info to) that contains info such as medical records, or a bank account (for purchases), and pretty much anything that you can think of.

So, after researching some of it, and learning a lot about the strengths and weaknesses of the technology, I have determined that it is pretty safe, at least about as safe as shopping online, or most other things that we take for granted. However, some people don't think so.

Enter the "tin foil hat" people! These people are freaking nuts! They think that the government, you know, the people who can't track and count the number of illegal aliens in the country, has already implanted a lot of people with this technology, and is tracking them from space! Now, why would the government do that? Maybe it is possible, with GPS, to have a small transmitter implanted into a person (for a short time, until the batteries run out), and track them wherever they go!!

Now, I ask you, how in the name of hell can this happen? First of all, I think I would notice some missing time required for the procedure...and I am a pretty light sleeper, so I would know if they came into my room to put me under. Second of all, I have no new scars, so I guess that Big Brother isn't tracking me (yet!!!). Third....why would they need to do this? Does the government really want to know that I woke up at home today, went to class, went to the gym, went home, took a nap, went outside to smoke....really? Some dude at the NSA must have a more boring life than I do, watching that shit all day long.

These "tin foil hat" people are the same people who think that the government goes through their trash, or that their shit goes to some secret lab to be analyzed, or that the fluoride put in the water is for chemical mind control, or that the jet contrails in the air are really a form of particulate mind control to keep to population docile (works pretty well in the big cities, doesn't it?).

OK, so, I am not one to say "let's trust the government with everything", but come on! Can you imagine how many people would be keeping that secret from other people. I could see it now! The "microchip injection technician" for Las Cruces, NM, comes home one morning (because he only implants those things for George W. Bush in the middle of the night...on second thought, Karl Rove is the leader of this fantasy) to his wife and kids...who were the first to be implanted. Wifey asks him how his night was at Wal Mart (because that is one of like 3 places that are 24 hour here). What does dude say? I mean, could he keep up the farce that he has been on the midnight crew at Wal Mart for 7 years without being able to change shifts to day crew? Would he be able to keep his secret implantation techniques away from his wife, whom he trusts with everything? She lives with him, for God's sake, and she is a woman, so she will find out that he doesn't work at Wal Mart (or the hospital, or Village Inn), and that he was lying.

So, the Wife knows about the super secret government program. And she will tell her sister, because her hubby is better than her sister's, and her sister tells mom, who tells the whole damn town.

How in the name of hell did they keep this secret for so damn long? Did they use no one but bachelors for this program (yah right, then all of the Bar Flys would know the secrets). Maybe they used Eunuchs for it...they aren't married, they won't be trying to impress some chick for a little piece, so they can't spill the beans. Perfect!

Oh wait, what kind of man would volunteer to get his family jewels cut off? So, that is a new conspiracy secret...some doctors who castrated a bunch of dudes for the government. How do they keep THAT secret? I mean, dudes disappearing for a few days, coming back with no memory...and no balls?

OK, so this is getting too complex for me to ponder. I guess that is why I should just let these intellectual powerhouses that think up these theories to keep me safe from Big Brother, just as much as I trust Al Gore and the church of Global Warming to keep my soul safe for Gaia (hey, I may just have my new topic!).