My Moon Colony
This is a little thing that I would use to entertain myself during long nights in the ASW bay, usually with a few dirty nukes and coners hanging around, smoking, and laughing at the insanity. If any midgets read this, the fee will be waived if you decide to volunteer!
We need to colonize the moon, and while we do, we need to take the time to ensure that the society there is as healthy, smart and all around from the best stock that humanity can offer. That is why myself and 10 of my closest buddies will start the moon colony. You may ask yourself, what does this have to do with midgets? I will get to that.
You see, I, along with the 9 dudes I pick, will the the penultimate of human evolution (or intelligent design, whatever), the most rugged, hansome, smart and practical men on the planet. I know that a moon colony can not survive with only 10 dudes, it would be boring and not very productive, that is why I will also hand pick 500 women to go with us. Why 10 dudes and 500 women? Well, first of all, you don't need that many men to start a colony, just a few and a lot of women for a good genepool (to limit the chances of inbreeding further down the road). These 510 people will sequester themselves in a base in remote Antartica, outside contact with the rest of the world, so as to let any diseases run their course and get over with (they will also be in quarantine amongst themselves).
While they are in quaranteen, some robots will go to the moon and dig out a preliminary habitat, with fiberoptic light shafts in large caves, and a starting hydroponic farm, along with fetuses of all kinds of animals (useful ones, not some damn useless ones like the platypus, allthough they amuse me and I may take some).
When our heroic colonists go to the moon, their sole job will be to procerate. Yes, that is right, 10 dudes trying to get 500 Tyra Banks look alikes pregenant (or if you perfer, Cindy Crawford, Jessica Alba, Shakira, whoever). It will be a tough job, but somebody has to do it.
Now you ask yourself, if the 10 dudes are busy banging 500 women (that would be 50 women each), and of course with all of the burden of pregenancy and such, how will anythning get done?? Who will grow the food, expand the living spaces, clean, manufacture diapers, pruify air and water, etc. etc. etc.
Well, this is where the midgets come in at. As we all know, midgets are not legally people (or are they, I'm pretty bad at that law stuff), therefore we can do all kinds of genetic modification on them. I am not looking at genetically creating a superman here (I will be making them the old fashioned way), but I want usefulness out of intelligence. These midgets will be photosynthetic. Yes, that is right, photosynthetic, they will take in the sun's energy (hence the fiberoptics) and make food for themsleves, using water of course. A by-product of this will be the Oxygen that they breathe out (only when sleeping, of course, while they are awake, the breathe out CO2), which will maintain the ballance of the atmosphere in the colony.
Another skill they will be designed with will be specific to the "species" of midget that is created. You will have your standard food midget, the ones that grow corn out of their ears, or have Mt. Dew nipples, or have a bowl head that secretes Chili con Qeuso (and his wife grows corn chips on her back). I will have a midget that produces any kind of food imaginable. You want some hummus, call the hummus and pita midget. You want some beer, there is Shirley, the midget with the beer nipples. You want a pasta salad, that is the Carmine clan. Anything that industry can make, I can make on a midget for just a little bit of sun and water.
Another "breed" will be the mine midgets. These will be the ones that are going to dig out the new tunnels, with their mouths. They will have diamond teeth, and eat the regolith of the Moon, shitting out processed ores, gems, hammers, or scented candles. A sub-set of their species will be the cleaning midget, who will have Formula 409 as saliva, a cat-like toungue, and will lick everything to clean it, shitting out recycled paper from the refuse of the colony.
There will be all sorts of midgets flying around the moon colony (did I forget to mention that they will have wings, and since they are on the moon, they will be able to fly in that gravity). All types that I can't even imagine now, and will not be able to predict when they start breeding amongst each other. What happens with a midget, who processes ores and shits out microprocessors, mates with the cabinet fixture midget? Will we get smart cabinets with little microprocessors? Will we get something new and totally unexpected? Who knows, but I for one am excited about it, and I hope you are too. If you are interested, send a SASE with your $500 down payment to:
"Moon Midgets"
P.O. Box 99125
Moon Colony Alpha (A), Moon
99999
We need to colonize the moon, and while we do, we need to take the time to ensure that the society there is as healthy, smart and all around from the best stock that humanity can offer. That is why myself and 10 of my closest buddies will start the moon colony. You may ask yourself, what does this have to do with midgets? I will get to that.
You see, I, along with the 9 dudes I pick, will the the penultimate of human evolution (or intelligent design, whatever), the most rugged, hansome, smart and practical men on the planet. I know that a moon colony can not survive with only 10 dudes, it would be boring and not very productive, that is why I will also hand pick 500 women to go with us. Why 10 dudes and 500 women? Well, first of all, you don't need that many men to start a colony, just a few and a lot of women for a good genepool (to limit the chances of inbreeding further down the road). These 510 people will sequester themselves in a base in remote Antartica, outside contact with the rest of the world, so as to let any diseases run their course and get over with (they will also be in quarantine amongst themselves).
While they are in quaranteen, some robots will go to the moon and dig out a preliminary habitat, with fiberoptic light shafts in large caves, and a starting hydroponic farm, along with fetuses of all kinds of animals (useful ones, not some damn useless ones like the platypus, allthough they amuse me and I may take some).
When our heroic colonists go to the moon, their sole job will be to procerate. Yes, that is right, 10 dudes trying to get 500 Tyra Banks look alikes pregenant (or if you perfer, Cindy Crawford, Jessica Alba, Shakira, whoever). It will be a tough job, but somebody has to do it.
Now you ask yourself, if the 10 dudes are busy banging 500 women (that would be 50 women each), and of course with all of the burden of pregenancy and such, how will anythning get done?? Who will grow the food, expand the living spaces, clean, manufacture diapers, pruify air and water, etc. etc. etc.
Well, this is where the midgets come in at. As we all know, midgets are not legally people (or are they, I'm pretty bad at that law stuff), therefore we can do all kinds of genetic modification on them. I am not looking at genetically creating a superman here (I will be making them the old fashioned way), but I want usefulness out of intelligence. These midgets will be photosynthetic. Yes, that is right, photosynthetic, they will take in the sun's energy (hence the fiberoptics) and make food for themsleves, using water of course. A by-product of this will be the Oxygen that they breathe out (only when sleeping, of course, while they are awake, the breathe out CO2), which will maintain the ballance of the atmosphere in the colony.
Another skill they will be designed with will be specific to the "species" of midget that is created. You will have your standard food midget, the ones that grow corn out of their ears, or have Mt. Dew nipples, or have a bowl head that secretes Chili con Qeuso (and his wife grows corn chips on her back). I will have a midget that produces any kind of food imaginable. You want some hummus, call the hummus and pita midget. You want some beer, there is Shirley, the midget with the beer nipples. You want a pasta salad, that is the Carmine clan. Anything that industry can make, I can make on a midget for just a little bit of sun and water.
Another "breed" will be the mine midgets. These will be the ones that are going to dig out the new tunnels, with their mouths. They will have diamond teeth, and eat the regolith of the Moon, shitting out processed ores, gems, hammers, or scented candles. A sub-set of their species will be the cleaning midget, who will have Formula 409 as saliva, a cat-like toungue, and will lick everything to clean it, shitting out recycled paper from the refuse of the colony.
There will be all sorts of midgets flying around the moon colony (did I forget to mention that they will have wings, and since they are on the moon, they will be able to fly in that gravity). All types that I can't even imagine now, and will not be able to predict when they start breeding amongst each other. What happens with a midget, who processes ores and shits out microprocessors, mates with the cabinet fixture midget? Will we get smart cabinets with little microprocessors? Will we get something new and totally unexpected? Who knows, but I for one am excited about it, and I hope you are too. If you are interested, send a SASE with your $500 down payment to:
"Moon Midgets"
P.O. Box 99125
Moon Colony Alpha (A), Moon
99999
posted by lazlong at 5:11 PM
3 Comments:
funny funny. damn, i miss those crazy discussions on the midwatch, on month 2 of a 3 monoth spec op. i should have written them down, but then, i'd probably be locked up in some loonie bin if anybody read them.
>with only 10 dudes, it would be boring and not very productive, that is why I will also hand pick 500 women to go with us.<
It's rather obvious that you were a submarine sailor. :) :)
Great post. Had me laughing for hours afterwards.
Rachel,
Insane, most likely...
A Nuke thing, most definatly
But it is so much fun!
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